Date:	2009-07-04 23:05
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

Happy 233rd, USA!

I am so proud to be an American :)

Date:	2009-02-18 18:52
Subject:	there are no words.
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy

The painter is here.

The real estate agent just left.

I am just shy of an offer on a job.

I bought a plane ticket.

There are boxes everywhere.

We bought a business.

We are moving next week.

I wonder why my back hurts and my mind is racing?

Date:	2009-02-15 21:02
Subject:	We got married!
Security:	Public
Mood:	ecstatic

Bennett and I decided last minute to elope this weekend, and it was totally awesome.  We walked down to a park in the neighborhood, with some friends to witness.  Jeb toddled around, and rolled his ball in between us as we said our vows, it was so special :). 

Our families are thrilled, except for my sister who flipped out crying that I have "taken so much away from her".  Her reaction was totally what I expected.  Oh well, I married the man of my dreams and it's too bad that she couldn't even muster a "congrats".

I'm hitched and couldn't be happier!

Date:	2009-01-15 15:07
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	excited

Finding a job even in the field of nursing has been a nightmare.  I never thought I'd see the day, but I have been looking for a full time job in an ICU in all the hospitals in Rhode Island for weeks, to no avail.  I found one today and filled out an application!  Holy crap, I think we are moving!

The only other thought I have is that I HATE mastitis.  Antibiotics are on board and things are getting better, but OMG: OUCH!

Date:	2009-01-05 16:49
Subject:	Ew.
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored

Jeb's high chair needs to be power-washed.  Literally.  If it weren't January, I'd take it outside and hose it down.

One year olds are dirty, grubby creatures.

Date:	2009-01-03 11:46
Subject:	A huge milestone that I have been so looking forward to.
Security:	Public
Mood:	relieved

I think I am done pumping.  OMFG I can't even explain how good it feels to say that.  We stopped giving Jeb bottles of EBM when he turned a year old, but my boobs still wouldn't let me go 13 hours without nursing or pumping, so I was still doing 1 session while at work for relief.  I wound up with 40+ ounces that we weren't going to use, and donated them to a good friend who has super-shitty suply.  So that was super cool, too.  Anyway, this week I was able to get through 2 12 hour shifts, and while I was definitely full by the end of them, I wasn't in pain.   Bennett and I are going out of town for 1 night next weekend, my mom will be here with Jeb.  I will probably have to pump at least 3 times over those 36 hours, but then that is IT.  YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!

I don't care how long we nurse when Jeb and I are together, I still really love it, but I have hated that God Forsaken Machine Baby. 

See you in a couple of years, pump.

Date:	2008-12-10 16:41
Subject:	hello, red and green eyed monster.
Security:	Public
Mood:	jealous

A very good (childless) friend just told me about a super fun Christmas party she is going to this weekend with her husband.  It's at a 5-star hotel, with an open bar, and will be a dressy, festive , fun party. 


Oh well.  There will be plenty of time for Bennett and I to have freedom and go to fun holiday parties in the future.

Date:	2008-11-28 20:56
Subject:	turkey-induced blather
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

Tomorrow is Jeb's first birthday party.  He turns 1 on Thursday, but we are up visiting family, so we decided to have the party this weekend.  I can't believe it's already been a year, but I also can't believe it's been ONLY a year.  Part of me is waiting for the Earth to open up and swallow me: I made it through the first year, so that's it, right?  I've been so focused on getting through the first year, I forgot that I have many more to go.  I love life with Jeb more everyday, he gets more and more fun everyday, but damn it's intense.  Thankfully, "today's" struggle doesn't last long.  Jeb is constantly changing, and so does the particular struggle.  Just when I think something is going to drive me batty, he changes, and I am challenged in a different way. 

I am filled with thought of this time last year.  Today, last year, I was 9 days overdue, and desperate to give birth.  I was astounded that Jeb might be a December baby, and I didn't even know if he was a boy or a girl.  I am so happy to be on this side of this year, but I also can't wait to give birth again. 

Time for another cocktail.  It's the Holiday Season, after all :)

Date:	2008-11-22 14:53
Subject:	Saturday afternoon peace.
Security:	Public
Mood:	content

Jeb is down for his afternoon nap.  I am drinking another cup of coffee and farting around online.  Baked ziti is in the oven for my brand-newly-postpartum mama friend, which we'll run over when Jeb wakes.  Bennett is in the next room playing computer games.  My house is relatively clean and dinner for tonight is taken care of: a batch of baked ziti of our own.  

It's looking like a good afternoon.

Date:	2008-11-16 16:32
Subject:	family photo shoot
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

a co-worker's husband is a photographer and did a family shoot for us this morning.  check out http://linkowitzphotography.wordpress.com/  to see some of the pics :)

Date:	2008-11-13 13:23
Subject:	more complaints about my job
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

i need to figure out a way to make more money and work less. 

i would so much rather be at home, curled up on the couch, under a blanket, listening to the rain, nursing my baby, and drifting off to sleep with him.

i'm sick of being around illness and death and germs.  this ICU is getting in the way of my life.

boo.

( why i voted for john mccain )

Date:	2008-11-04 01:06
Subject:	I'm starting to really hate my job.
Security:	Public
Mood:	blank

Tonight I am caring for a 20 year old who is dying of melanoma with mets everywhere.  His mama is sitting vigil weeping silently and over-analyzing every twitch and blip wondering "is this it?".  She is looking to me for some kind of explanation or prediction, and I have nothing for her that will help in the slightest.  She has a pair of his baby shoes hung on the IV pole.  It is so fucking sad.


Did I say I needed a raise?  I meant I need a new job.

Date:	2008-10-28 13:28
Subject:	just another day at work
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad

my job today consists of me telling many family members:  your mother/aunt/sister's heart stopped this morning and her brain was deprived of oxygen for some time, and there is little to no chance of recovery. 


i need a raise.

434, originally uploaded by pmojzak.

my pumpkin :)

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Date:	2008-10-13 09:24
Subject:	note to self:
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

 start getting jeb dressed for the day AFTER breakfast.

he is covered head to toe in cream cheese and banana.  

outfit number two before 930am, and he's not even a newborn!

Date:	2008-08-01 20:45
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	excited

we have decided to put our house on the market in january with the intent of moving home.  home.  i could swim in a sea of the word and not need air: home.

it is certainly a mixed bag, as are most things in life.  i am happy that a Very Good Therapist helped me to learn to live in the grey.  most of life is not lived in black or white, but in the grey, and this will be no exception.  we love richmond.  we love the south.  it has been nothing like what i expected, socially.  people being friendly to strangers is not simple or dumb, it's just nice.   people here have not been any more bigoted, racist, or homophobic than up north.  there are stupid, closed minded people everywhere, including here, but no more than average.  in fact, it is more integrated than my northern experience.  my city is less than fifty percent white.  i digress.  we love richmond.  we have made some really good, good friends.  we love the idea of raising our son in this place.  a place where sundays are slower, and for family,  just because.  a place where the economy thrives even in a pending recession because it is low tax, low regulation and business friendly.  a place where late february/ early march brings sixty degrees.  it's just a good place, a place that fits us.  

except, it's not our place.  i'm a yankee at heart, and i long for my family.  when i moved to virginia to be with bennett in 2004, it was with the understanding that we would eventually go home.  i never would have come here other wise.  i had no idea how much i'd love it, in fact i fought it tooth and nail.  bennett waffled on the promise he'd made me about going home.  and then came jeb.  it is important to both of us that jeb grow up near his extended family.  i didn't have that growing up, and my grandparents are pretty much strangers to me.  my mother has the most amazing relationship with my niece and nephew; i want that for jeb.  i want to be the aunt that goes to every soccer game.  i want to sit on my mother's porch and watch jeb play in the kiddie pool to pass a boring afternoon.  i want to go out for a drink with my sister on a random wednesday.  i want to stop flying on a plane five times a year.  i want to go to kristina's and watch enzo (a year older than jeb) and see what's to come.  i want to pass four dunkin' donuts' no matter where i am driving.  i wish all of this could happen in richmond.  but they can't and i refuse to pick climate and economy over family. 

and so, we are making  a plan.   i have been waiting patiently to make a plan, but knowing bennett, i had to wait until it was his deal.  for some reason, after this last trip, he is ready.  i was right to wait.  there are so many things that need to happen, but that's why i pushed for six months to get everything in order.  he actually asked me if we could get it all together by the fall!  as much as i'd like to get up there ASAP, we need some time to do it right.  

home.  home.

Date:	2008-07-24 20:43
Subject:	another first
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

i am working until 11, so bennett is at home trying to put jeb down to bed for the first time.  i am tense and worried, but really?  the world won't come to an end.

last night after jeb went to bed, bennett asked me to hang out and watch tv with him, and i just *couldn't*.  even the thought of sitting in front of the tv made me antsy; i could be sweeping, or folding laundry, or sleeping.  he told me my anxiety was starting to affect our relationship.  he told me he didn't think i was leading a balanced life.  it's true that i am pretty consumed with jeb's care.  i feel most calm when i am doing something with him or for him, and feel tense when i'm not.  i don't know what's normal, though.

Date:	2008-06-24 23:19
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored

having insomnia while your baby sleeps peacefully is pure injustice.

otherwise, life is pretty groovy in the smith/mojzak household.  jeb is at such a delightful age.  he sits up, knows his name, plays, and eats baby food.  he laughs easy and sleeps well.  if i didn't know better, i'd be going for number 2 any day now;)

life is good.  very good.